Recalling Beauty
by Isis FG
Summary: B/A fic - post-Chosen - 2nd in the 'Finding Tomorrow' series...Angel's POV as he leaves Sunnydale during 'Chosen'... *COMPLETE*


Title: Recalling Beauty (#2 in the 'Finding Tomorrow' Series)  
  
Author: Isis Blue  
  
Started: June 30, 2003  
  
Completed: July 1, 2003  
  
Feedback: Yes please, I'm a feedback junkie: vagabond_angel@comcast.net  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, all the people at ME, Fox, UPN, etc who awed and tortured us for seven years own 'em  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: B/A, mentions of B/S  
  
Fic Summary: Angel's POV as he leaves Sunnydale during Chosen  
  
Spoilers: anything in season 7, especially the last few eps  
  
Distribution: my site (Vagabond Soul), ff.net, BA_Fluff list, and LoD; & Starrkitty's Archive if they want it, anyone else, just ask first.  
  
Author's Notes: Ok, this one was harder to write than the others and I'm not all that happy with it. I just wasn't having much luck writing Angel's POV. So my apologies if it sucks.  
  
AN2: Lyrics are from the song 'Angel' by Ghost Of The Robot (JM's band) off their album 'Mad Brilliant'.  
  
Warnings: not really angsty, definitely not fluffy.mostly it's just kinda sad  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
~Angel's POV~  
  
She comes home to me  
after hard night's workin'  
  
I didn't' want to leave. Did she know that? I would have stayed if she had asked me too. I would have fought by her side if she had wanted me to. But she didn't. I will do as she requested, go back to LA and wait in case a second front is needed. I can't help but wonder, though, if that's really why she wanted me to leave. I could tell by the look in her eyes that there was so much more going on than she told me.  
  
Falls in my arms and sleeps like a burden  
Startles and wakes up, like she don't know me  
  
Her eyes always told me so much more than her words. Tonight was no different. It doesn't matter that we haven't seen each other in nearly a year and a half. Time cannot dull the bond that we have. No matter how hard each of us has tried to break it.  
  
It was her eyes that broke my heart the most. They used to shine and sparkle with mischief. Now, they are deadened and dulled by the burdens of her life. They no longer show hope for tomorrow.  
  
Cocks back her fist like she's going to slug me  
Like, who are you anyway  
And what are you doing to me?  
  
I wanted so much to protect her from the horrors of her calling and from evils of this world. She didn't deserve to deal with things such as those. I left her so that she would have a chance at a normal life. But now it seems as if my sacrifice was in vain. She lives in the darkness more now than she did when I was in her life.  
  
She's an angel  
But she can't see it  
  
I couldn't protect her. No one could. She's a Slayer. Maybe I never fully accepted that before. No matter how much I wanted her to have everything, it just wasn't possible. Her calling denies her the life she deserves, the life that I wanted for her. Would her eyes look so empty now if I had stayed? Would she have even died two years ago if I had been there to fight by her side as I had once promised I would?  
  
She's got wings,  
she can't feel it  
  
Second guessing won't change anything. It won't take the shadows out of her eyes that it pained me to see. What all has happened in Sunnydale? Willow told me about The First and the havoc It was causing. But it was more than that. What else could have been happening to deaden her beautiful eyes?  
  
She's an angel  
But she can't see it  
  
I wish I could have held her, given her comfort in my arms. But I don't think she would have let me. Why would she? I haven't been there for her. I left her. Left her to fend for her self. Left her alone. Then again, she's not quite alone if Spike's scent on her is any indication. My stomach churns just at the thought of it.  
  
But she's flying above me every day  
Every day of my life  
  
Shocked is a complete understatement when it comes to the idea that she has allowed herself to become close to Spike, and him to her. It's sickening, really. What could she possibly see in that bleach blonde pain in the ass? And never mind the fact that that is not what I wanted for her. It's the complete opposite.  
  
Bright diamond eyes with daggers beneath them  
She carries the chains of a million decisions  
That weren't even hers to begin with anyway  
  
But I suppose I have no say in her life any longer. I gave up that right when I broke her heart in a sewer four years ago. And it's not like I haven't moved on as well, or at least tried to. It was only a few months ago that I was pining away for Cordelia's love. At least she was alive at the time, not a damn vampire. So what if she was evil and Spike has a soul now.  
  
But she carries them all  
All the people around her  
You never even notice that she's very very tired  
  
I don't know if I truly loved Cordelia. All I know is the moment I saw Buffy again, my heart was once again lost to her. She was as beautiful and graceful as ever. My senses were assaulted by her mere presence only a few feet away. I can still feel the warm touch of her lips upon mine. For a moment we were shifted back in time to when our lives were much simpler. To a time when we had each other.  
  
She's an angel  
But she can't see it  
  
It seems like such a long time ago. But I can still remember it all like it was yesterday. The first hesitant kisses. All the times we patrolled together. The wonderful, tragic night of her seventeenth birthday. The hazy memories of Angelus' taunts. The torturous months following my return from Hell when we were in a constant battle against our feelings. And the memories of a day that never really happened. They link us together. But it is our souls that bind us for all of eternity for it is her that is my true soulmate, and vice versa  
  
She's got wings  
She can't feel it  
  
I had hoped that time would dull the need, the pain, the heartache. And in a way, it did. We both tried to move on, but the moment I see her again, it all comes back. Now is still not our time, though. Maybe it never will be. Why must everything I have ever wanted be so far out of my reach? I've lost the two things most important to me, my soulmate and my son. Both are gone because of my own actions. All I ever wanted was to protect them.  
  
She's an angel  
But she can't see it  
  
The lights of LA are beginning to shine off in the distance. Sunnydale is two hours behind me now, along with the courageous, wonderful woman who will always hold my heart. I'd prefer to sit here and brood for another few hours, but I can't. I've got to find my team and get them prepared to fight in case we are needed. But I can't help but take another few minutes to think about the one girl in all the world who claimed my heart as her own. A small smile forms on my face as I remember the girl she once was and the beautiful woman she's grown into, but my smile falters when I remember the lost look in her eyes, the look that I wish I had been able to protect her from.  
  
But she's flying above me every day  
Every day of my life  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
THE END!  
  
AN3: like I said, kinda sucky.writing Angel's POV was harder than writing Buffy's. Anyways, the next 3 fics in this series are the ones that were the original trilogy, beginning with 'Rebuilding Me' which picks up 2 years after Chosen. I'm considering adding one final fic to take place after 'Relinquishing Yesterday', but I haven't decided yet. Send me some feedback and let me know if you want one more fic to wrap everything up! 


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